stale peanut butter. I had no idea that peabut butter could even go bad. I’d always assumed that it was immortal like twinkies or canned peaches are. Today was the day I was proved wrong, oh so wrong. I decided to have some delicious Eggo waffles this morning, such a bad expierence starts out so innocently. Oh god why… So since I have a irrational fear of spilling sticky things on me and Jessee and I had just been talking about putting peanut butter on pancakes. I decided to put peanut butter on my waffles.
Now I could have chosen the Jif (family sized, Unopened) or the Super G Crunchy (But I think crunchy is more of a dinner peanut butter) but I chose the Skippy. Oh dear lord the Skippy. I should mention that we have had all of these for an amazing amount of time. I have a little expierence in old peanut butter, so first thing I did was stir the oil back together with the PB. This is where I should have stopped. The Horror I tell you
But I didn’t… As I spread it around I noticed that it had a really peanutty smell, like the shell and all? Maybe because I was half asleep I forged onward. About a block away from the house I took the first bite… it tasted a little funny… but maybe that was just a fluke… I thought if I ate it really quickly that I could get through it. OH GOD NO.
So I’m driving down the street with a mouthfull of this oily sludge in my mouth. Gag … Gag… GAAGAGGA must roll down window and drive car… BLEGCKKE AHGHAGHAG. But that’s not where the fun ends.
Remember when Homer coated his mouth with a candle to eat the Guatemalan insanity peppers? Well this was the same thing. My mouth was coated in this stuff, stuff not peanut butter, this was some horrible bastard spawn of stale nuts and oil. I was even forced to lick it off my hands to stop it form getting everyehere. sweet jesus why? So I made my way past the day laborers into the local 7-11 and picked up a large coffee, a breakfast sandwich, and a gatorade.
That cocktail worked for about an hour before the putrid flavor of stale peanuts and ass came back into my mouth. So that’s where I sit now. Everytime I burp I can taste the beast. She’s not going out like no punk bitch.
I don’t think I’ll ever be able to eat PB again…
via Skippy peanut butter

So this weekend was the momentous occasion of the 90’s Party. So Saturday morning Greg, Jesse and I went on a mission to raid local Goodwill stores. Being the only English speaker in a store is a new experience to me. But it got me thinking about how easy it would be to pick up chicks outside one of those places. “Hey baby! I’ve got a Tercel with matching hubcaps!”
I’ve heard that the Vienna Inn used to be the keg Nazi in Vienna. That it was the only place to get a keg in the area, and you should be happy with whatever they give you. Having said that… they suck a little. The experience with getting it wasn’t that bad, we were in and out in 10 minutes. But the beer was another story. Just as well anyway, we were just using it for beer pong. And we let some of it go bad anyway.
The party was a success. We had some good costumes, jay and silent bob, Billy Madison and Happy Gilmore, Gwen Steffani, Waldo. Those pictures are in the gallery link at the bottom of this post. I came as Vanilla Ice’s second cousin. Ivy came as himself circa 1995 and his sister was a grunge chick. Apparently dancing to the tootsie roll and daisy dukes makes me a better Pong ball thrower. Cause Q and I were “Le Crush” and the unofficial champions of the night. Some people did not come in costume therefore are left out of this post, losers!
The aftermath of the night was smaller than expected. Bobby and Boner had to pick up some trash that was left in the middle of the street, there is a warm keg floating on the back porch, and Jesse became the first person to spray down the hallway with hot stomach juice. Also Greg proved to be a good friend and roommate by helping him clean up the mess. I may have puked? But that may have been a dream cause there was no physical evidence?
We need to get to work on the official house beer pong table. We are in beta testing and design right now. But we are on the verge of a major breakthrough. Maybe we can have some sort of design meeting this week. I’ll keep you posted. Later!
via 90’s Party

I thought it would be fun to google this site and see if it actually comes up… So very disappointing. Search for “The Schubox” and I’m number 45 with a bullet. Though I did see a big spike in traffic when I posted the pictures from the New york trip and posted a bulletin on myspace, this site is largely passed over by the “blog-sphere”. When I posted about Max Raabe I got linked from some weird places too, the intra-webs are a crazy place. Oh well, why would anyone want to read about what I’ve been doing in my boring ass life. I may want to create a bio page so all the swedes coming over from that MFOP2 page know who I am. I think the actual blog is the most interesting thing, not the content. Woe is me. But I am number 5 and 17 when you search for “Mark Schumaker”. That’s kind of encouraging, with links to my amazon 80’s movie list and the story about the cardboard boat race. There’s always room to move up… Here’s to the future!

via Google Me

Just when I thought that the only thing I had to worry about today was not farting in my office, this comes along. I had just watched 30 Days last night, on this episode a man from West Virginia lived with a muslim family for 30 days. I thought it was really good at showing the real values of Islam. I also started to feel bad that the arabs in this country are being targeted at airports and getting strange looks everywhere… buuuuut then I watched Mind Of Mencia which has a much funnier better view on the subject. We take turns in this country. IT’s THEIR TURN. Carlos makes some really good points… but i don’t feel like piling on… or actually saying them outloud. But let’s just say that it was hilarious.
And then we have another terrorist attack today… and who was it? Was it a black guy? Was it a Mexican in a lowrider? NO, it was fuckin Al Queda again. I’m not saying that all muslims are secretly planning to take over the world, but give us whiteys a break if we give you a sideways glance once in a while. You just happen to look like the guys that are trying to kill us.
PS. I still love you Suleman! Just put on a poncho and sombrero when you go out in public for a few days and you should be cool.
via BBC