Before I worked here I was uncomfortable pooping in a public bathroom. I think everybody is a little. You can’t spread out like at home, theres no reading material, and of course theres somebody else about 2 feet away doing the exact same thing.
I was afraid to make any noise. Now I realize that its like prision in there. You have to come in and stake your claim. Make that toilet you’re bitch, or you will become its bitch.
That’s what happened today. Don’t know if it was the JBCs (Junior Bacon Cheeseburgers) from last night, the caramel scone from this morning, or the gyro from lunch but I was back in the bathroom for the 3rd time today. The first two rounds had gone according to plan. So like a heavyweight fighter I swaggered back into the ring for a third time. No audience at first, but then the challenger entered. 8 thought this was going to be easy when I heard the crinkle of paper ass gasket. I let loose a satisfying barrage. Then waited for the challenger.
Then I heard it…
It sounded like he had just dropped a hard sided suitcase filled with bananas and they all spilled out. I heard a finishing grunt and knew I’d been beaten. I sat there until he triumphantly strode out of the stall,washed his hands,and Left. I will tell my children “I have seen the shoes of a legend and they are reasonably priced black leather”