Let me take you on a kluge-tactic voyage.

Life

image
This is not ‘The Schumaker Way’ that involves fixing something in a way that doesn’t involve buying expensive parts or paying for expensive labor. It also usually involves fabricating a part out of some leftover bit from another project. Like when my dad bought a new control board for my mom’s SUV window switch, but it didn’t work so he just built a little box with his own switch to roll down the window.

That box was taped to the door for over 2 years before my mom finally got him to get it fixed the right way.

I wish this was that ingenious… This is more of a ‘I’m tired from fixing the more important part of the car the ‘right’ way and I just want to make this a little better then go inside‘ kind of fixing.

The problem was that Laurel’s exhaust had broken completely away from the catalytic converter. After the first few weeks of embarrassment at driving a little sub that sounded like a 16 year old had hollowed out the exhaust on purpose we kind of got used to it. But since her car has to be inspected in a month I thought is try to fix it.

Here’s what I came up with, a couple of U-brackets linked together in some haphazard way. I don’t think it will pass inspection, but at least it won’t be embarrassing to drive for the next month while I think about how to fix it for real.

This is what they think of you

Randomness

image

One time I saw the Weinermobile driving down 610, 2 weeks ago I saw the Herman Cain 999 bus driving into DC, my grandma used to spin yarns about a spectral locomotive that would rocket past the farm back home. But none of this could prepare me for what I saw on 95 South a couple weeks ago.

Is this from the same people that think that people will order ‘Sex on the Beach’ as a pickup line. That works right!

Who is this drink for? Bros who ice bros? Who thinks it’s awesome that you can go up to a bartender and say ‘you got sum poise in here’? I would love some poosie in my mouth! I’m awesome and people like me because of my drink orders!

I’ll suck down sum poosie tonight that’s for sure… and by that they mean they’ll try to ironically drink this sugar and caffeine based beverage that they say they hate but actually they’re not really a man who can drink a real drink. Hemingway would put a cigarette out in your eye if you offered him ‘Sum Poosie’. It’s in a pink can for gawds sake. Is it for women? Then why does it have a girl in a bikini on the bottle. Who are they really marketing this to? and who gave them the money to produce this? Let’s make sure they’re the first up against the wall when the revolution comes.

Even god damn day…

Randomness

I can’t figure out why… But this guy is my nemisis.

I’m sure he’s a nice guy.  He’s probably some kind of cancer survivor that works really hard and volunteers for soup kitchens. But how I know him is “That guy who’s always going the opposite direction on his recumbent bike” when I’m going to or coming home from work.

Rain or Shine, Winter or Summer, He never stops… He’s like some kind of healthy terminator.

I’ve seen him close to my house and I’ve seen him on Church street in Vienna and every road in between.  He’s never happy or sad, he just has this relentless look on his face as if riding that crazy bike is the only thing that keeps him going. He’s never going very fast… always slow and steady… winning the god damn race.

Stop being dependable and hard working when I’m barely awake and hungry!