Love the life you Live!
Why is it so annoying to me when I hear a fat slob talking about how he’s been doing karate for 25 years? (pronounced ka-ra-tey)
I know it’s the naive thing to think that I could kick his butt without even trying. But to look at him while he’s talking is ridiculous, he’s seriously shaped like Newman from Seinfeld. You know it’s time to loose weight when your stomach is affecting the way you walk.
25 years???? You may need to take up a new hobby.
Later!
I just found an article about a study that claims the face is the #1 attractor of mates. So all those ugly muscle bound guys are just wasting their time at the gym, cause you can’t fix ugly. Meanwhile I’ll just eat brownies and look fine for the ladies… oh yeah
Later!
Just like that river twisting through a dusty land…
I don’t usually write about girlfriends in this blog because I don’t want to make anyone feel uncomfortable and I don’t like going back and reading old blogs about them. But I’m going to make an exception here. She’s the first girl I’ve dated in a long time that I feel I can be myself around. With Faith I had to be much more religious than I really am and with Ellen I had to be much more intellectual and political than I wanted to be. (Plus I apparently make weird mouth noises) But Laurel and I just get along so well.
I met her on the internet… Myspace actually, but the internet seems more mature. I got a message from her and I let about a week go by because I thought she was a fake person. (hard to explain, but Myspace is full of fake profiles who just want more friends)It’s hard to believe she even sent me a message, I had a picture of a skull as my profile image. (though it was a totally sweet skull door knocker that I made myself!) So after a few weeks we decided to meet for a date in real life. Which was the best decision evar.
It started out with her getting all my quotes obscure from movies that I’d seen. But that just seems like second nature now. We talk in a language of Simpsons and Zoolander quotes. (I’ve got the black lung, Pa… cough) Then it went on to being able to see what the other person is thinking. You know how couples will finish each other’s sentences? Well I think we start each others. I can’t remember how many times we’ve said “I was just about to say that?!”. Which needless to say is totally sweet.
It’s really weird that we hadn’t met before. We’ve found a couple of our friends know each other. But always 3 degrees away from us. I’d even met a couple of her friends before, but never her. They’re all cool people and we get along really well. It looks like I’m in this for the long run and I couldn’t be happier.
Later!
There’s this guy at work who really annoys me. Annoy… that’s a soft term. When he talks I want to stab myself in the ear with a pen. He punctuates every statement with a series of little laughs, which doesn’t sound that bad… for the first thousand times. So today I’ve pinned down what really makes me cringe. First he talks way too fast, I purposely slow down my speech when I’m talking to him, hoping that he’ll get the point. (which hasn’t worked so far) He has something to say about everything, nothing that matters, he just wants to get the last word in every conversation.
But really it’s this… he talks in circles. Kinda like Yoda, but he starts at the beginning of the sentence. Here is one statement that I heard this morning.
I didn’t see them here last night, they’re usually here by 7. I was here last night and I didn’t see them.
This doesn’t sound that bad. But just think if every sentence was like this. Coming at you at a hundred miles an hour for 8 hours a day. So what lesson did we learn today kids? Say things once… slowly… and take a shower for once dammit!
Later!
I can’t even find a way to start this blog. Does the US as the semi-lone superpower have a responsibility to help everyone? Is China out there in other countries deposing dictators? What about… well anybody else. I don’t think it’s any of our business to get involved in the middle east. What’s my main argument? They’re fucked. They always have been and always will be. NPR Mid East History There’s nothing good that can come from the US being involved in military action in Iraq, Iran, or anywhere else over there.
America decided long ago that we weren’t going to stone people to death for “Dishonoring the Family”. We invented Jerry Springer or shipped them off to boarding school. But would we let random strangers strip them naked in the streets and crush their faces with large stones? The still practice old testament justice, 2500 years later. How do we expect to change that with bullets. If they haven’t evolved yet, they’re never going to. We could nuke the place from orbit and 10 years later they would be stoning adulterers with giant pieces of the glass parking lot.
By living around Washington DC I have know several middle eastern men. I have know Iraqis, Iranians, even a guy from Qatar. 90% of them fit into the stereotype. They only care about money, power and material possessions. They have no respect for women. And these are the ones living in America, I can only imagine what it’s like over there.
So why am I all of the sudden writing this post. Well I came across a story today, complete with video of a young woman being stoned to death in Iraq…recently. I’ve lost all hope for these people. Lets get the hell out, start buying electric cars and give the big fuck you to the middle east.
Men’s bathroom etiquette is something that is very high on my list. We’re all in there to do important work, but I don’t want to be your partner in crime. I spend my time in there playing games on my phone and trying not to breathe through my nose. But today I felt like I was Tom Arnold in Austin Powers. The guy wasn’t even in the stall next to me and I still felt for him… really I felt like he was going to get some on me.
[Austin Powers is drowning a man in the toilet]
Austin Powers: Who does Number Two work for? Who does Number Two work for?
Cowboy: Yeah, that’s it! You show that turd who’s boss.
He shuffled in past my stall, sat down forcefully, unleashed the monster and held on for dear life. That’s pretty much when I decided I’d had enough of the throne room and it was time to leave. While I was getting ready to leave I heard him fart the “Gunfighter Music” from “The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly”. A tumbleweed rolled by the sink as I left our mysterious stranger to duke it out with the beast.